Trim away the Fear

I figured I'd make the title festive in lieu of the Holiday...


Here I sit... My goals in front of my face.. I have already accomplished 2 out of three phases of my plan... and yet I still feel sorrow.. Why...?


I purchased a car! A feat I NEVER thought I would accomplish! My credit is terrible and I had no co-signer! And yet I pulled it off.... I just found a place to park that new car! I received a call from some guys about a house they have for rent and they picked ME! We set up a meeting. Bottom Line, I have a place to LIVE now! I'm just missing the Job... Not a big deal, really..


I have 3 more shifts to work at Parkview. Everything seems to be falling into place at the last second, just as I had predicted... why is that?


And yet I still am not as overjoyed as I should be.


I am starting over.. making a change.. taking a chance. I'm risking everything to make something of myself and the pieces of the puzzle are connecting much quicker and more fluidly than I ever thought possible.. and yet.. I am still not in euphoria...


I finally know why. I am going to miss everyone I care about.. The friends that have taken years upon years to make, the family that has always been with me through my pitfalls and tribulations,  the best friends that have always watched out for me... 


It's incredibly easy for me to make friends. I can make friends anywhere and everywhere. It's extremely difficult for me to make "best friends". I'm not going to sit here and say it was an easy decision to move away from everyone I care about, but sometimes you need to make a life for yourself. I made this choice and I shall live with it. That does not mean that I will do it cold heartedly. As my time grows short, I realize the sacrifice I am making. 


I just pray that those I am leaving understand my motives, understand my need to get out. Understand that I need to better myself and are proud of me for making this leap of faith. 


As I sit here weeping for the ties I am severing, I am reminded of the bond I have shared with everyone. Please do not think you are replaceable because you are not. 


I am optimistic for the future relationships I will encounter, but Home will always be Home to me...


I have a car... I have a place to live... and yet I am saddened... it's easy to pretend that I can just up and leave.. it's another thing entirely to try to think that way. 


I don't mean to be such a Debbie-Downer but thats what this Blog is all about. Raw feelings expressed with no regard to censorship.


In the end, I'm sorry for those I am hurting for leaving...trust me when I say that I love you all and I need to do this.


You can Never be replaced.